The Six Sides of Steve. ? Destiny Is Not a Dice Roll.

Choice theory ? It?s not rocket science.

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Life is more like Poker than Snakes & Ladders.?Ultimately we are a result of the choices we make and we play the hand were given.

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Yes it is true to some degree a lot of who we are has a lot to do with our environment of our childhood. Our school, our parents influences, cultural and peer impression made upon who we are but all that said and done these give us the tools to stop and think when faced with right and wrong. What is acceptable and what is not in this and other societies. If we make it through?adolescence?then the choices we make from then on are our own. But what encourages us to make the right choices? I can only share my own experiences. Perhaps at the end you might like to share your own in the comments.

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I am a man of parallel pasts and as a result I see where I am and where I could have been if it weren?t for key decisions in my late teens. I made some very key decisions that got me to where I am today. A successful teacher with a nice home, family and opportunities. An explanation.

My Background:

As a young man I grew up in an environment of duality. A split home from the age of twelve moving all over the country up until then and growing up in to homes. A different school in my early childhood ment I made friends easily, I was?outspoken, confident and?willful. Thats reporting code for disruptive and annoying on class.?My weekly environment was with my Dad which ensured my education had a good foundation. Weekends with my Mum helping her run her cleaning business. Through the week I had Scouting, Karate and various sports like football and swimming. On the weekend I had access to horses, motorbikes, hundreds of acres to set fire to and lots of machinery to drive. I was surrounded with opportunities and yet filled with anger and confusion from my parents violent divorce. I could have gone either way as my mates were varied.?Luckily?those that were into drugs I kept clear of as I saw myself entering the army or police service. But why? What was the key reason for me not hanging with that influence? Why was I looking to a career and keeping out of trouble. This article is about Choice Theory but with particular reference to my story growing up.Because of some key decisions, pivotal decisions then I am where I am today, happy, successful and enjoying life.

One bad apple spoils the wine.

Throughout school I had many positive and empowering teachers. However there was one whos words cut deep and held me back the most. An English teacher who delighted in calling me a ?fish? and not in a nice way. He was a tyrant and?unforgiving?in his verbal rants about my status as an inhuman example of what is possible through modern science. An avid meathead footballer who relished in bullying those who were confident in themselves and outspoken. Gradually over the year he hammered me down from being able to take on the world to barely believing I could even hold down a job after school. Fortunately I only had him for a year but the seed was sown. After graduation in 1991 I failed year 12 (you guessed it, English) and barely made it into the Army Reserve. The training was excellent and my self esteem returned. When not playing weekend warrior I held down various casual job and travelled.

Three and a half years passed and I knew I could be successful in the world I was in. My English teacher was wrong. I was not all the things he claimed I was. I was successful in all my jobs, confident in my role as a soldier and started working as a security officer in preparation for entering the police service. I resigned from the military and quickly started teaching security operatives for the company I worked for. My energy, personality and communication skills came to the fore and made me a valuable employee.

Bouncing Back:

Long story short I returned to high school as a 23 year old to achieve my pass in English and gain a Tertiary?Entrance?Result, class of 1998. With my eyes set on becoming a Police Officer I returned to Year 12 and worked weekend doing security in a minesite and continued to train officer in the evenings when required. If I needed a day off I wrote myself a note and had a day off school. I wore a uniform to fit in with my cohort and completed all the notes, assessments and activities required of me. A friend suggested I would make an excellent teacher and I though it would make an excellent fallback career should I either not get into the service or grow tired of policing. When asked by a police officer why I wanted to join the service I explained I wanted to help kids,?particularly?young males in difficulty homes. That officer said to me that if that was the case I should become a teacher. They have far more opportunity and influence to help a youth in need of support than any police officer.

Graduating I moved from Central Queensland to Newcastle to attend University with my fiancee, dog and soon to be in-laws. In my first week of Uni I sold my motorbike for a car, moved into a home, started a new job and had our first son (Feb 1999).

I decided to complete my degree (B.Teach / BA (Social Sciences) majoring in Geography and minoring in Performing Arts. I completed every elective I could including Aboriginal Leadership an Education, Management, History, Gifted Education and Special Education. I fell in love with Teaching.

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The aim of sharing this is not to suggest that one bad teacher can have such a significant impact but that making good choices is just as important as any education system. Choice Theory is fairly simple.?Their are Ten axioms of Choice Theory but I only want to focus discuss the first two:

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.

The rest is just?psychological?babble. (Click here for more)

It?s as simple as that. We cannot control other peoples behaviours. We can only control our own. We have very little influence in what other people do around is. The only way we can influence others behaviour is through information. Giving anecdotes, comparisons, metaphors and any other elements of information to help another make the right choices.

As a youth many opportunities became available to me. I?m sure this is still true today. The opportunity to smoke, take drugs, steal cars, break into houses and rock roofs. Why didn?t I accept any of these. The information I had coming from those around me:

• Scouting Leaders
• Karate Sensei?s
• School Teachers
• Parents and Family Friends
• Swimming & Football Coach
• Community members (Rotary, Lions, Lioness)

When ever an opportunity to cross over the rails presented itself I pictured the disappointment,?embarrassment?and shame from these significant people in my life. I wasn?t an angel. I still snuck into the drive-in. Rode motorbikes down country roads and shot ducks down the river for stew but these were just typical boy activities not likely to land me in gaol.

My Point:

So as a parent, as a teacher, as a member of the community we all need to take an interest in our youth and young adults and let them know we care. We respect them. We have expectations of them to know between right and wrong and make good choices when faced with opportunities to do the wrong thing. Young people need to be modeled the courage to stand up against those they seek acceptance from. That it can be cool to be successful and an achiever.

Recently a parent shared with me concerns about who her son was sitting near and wanted my assurance I would sit them apart in class. She used a saying I hadn?t heard in years. ?I you lie down with dogs you?ll wake up with fleas.? Now I clearly recall my towns Grumpy Senior Sargent (Stumpy) O?Neill sharing that exact same advice with me when I was a kid. From that day on I was very careful who I called friend. Good information helps us to make good choices. It?s not rocket science. it?s just needs to come from a good, connected network so it validated and shared?regularly.

Source: http://www.mrstevewilliams.com.au/2011/07/choice-theory/

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